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The Love that is mine

Rose viscose warp / Fall 2017

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Coming up with a name for this project and a theme to go with it was an interestingly different experience; starting from a certain colour and looking for a theme that fits it felt slightly challenging but at the same time exciting. Like, what does this colour remind me of?

Today, as a result of a long thought process, I stumbled into a sentence that resonated; “The Love That Is Mine”. I’d like to share a few thoughts about it - like, what do I mean by it and why I’d love to call this project with those words. At the same time, though, I wish to keep the theme as open as enough; I wish for it to be easily approachable and something that can be interpreted in a multitude of ways. Something you can, should you wish to participate in the warp, read your own story in just as you wish. <3

 Image credit: Pixabay (Creative Commons)   

Image credit: Pixabay (Creative Commons)

 

So, here’s a small piece of personal experience of the past years, and why returning to love feels so significant now.

The past two to three years have been a time of transition in our family, and a time of change for me. We’ve gone from two to five persons, and even beyond family life my everyday life has changed greatly. Becoming a weaver is something I would previously never have imagined; I used to see myself as something rather different. My whole weaving started from a life crisis (both parents going trough cancer diagnoses and treatments only 2 years apart, me hitting a burn out at work and so on). So, in a peculiar way, weaving has been my solution to that mess; to the feeling that life suddenly stopped being what I thought it was.

Now, I think quite many of us hit something like this in our twenties or thirties, or sometime later. They speak of a “30’s crisis”, but I don’t think it’s so much about the age; maybe it’s just that around this time we realise that life isn’t or hasn’t been what we thought it was - or that we are not who we thought we’d be. Like, we maybe already have a relationship and a significant other, we have children, maybe a degree in something, a house - we think we have landed and have it all figured out. And then life kicks back and / or just isn’t quite right and you’re left wondering what to do with it.

In the middle of all this I’ve slowly just felt the need to return to something that is… right. To something that doesn’t waver. Something I can rely on and rest in. I used to search for my identity mostly in the things I do; dreaming of achieving things, becoming “someone”. The problem with those things is that they never really last. It seems that a person is just as strong as the branch she or he is sitting on.

In the end life seems to boil down to just a few things, really; and even if it has been said so many times it sounds like a cliché, love is the strongest of those. 

But what is love now that I’ve lived, and failed, and stumbled and crumbled? When life hasn’t been what I thought it’d be? When I’ve turned out to be someone quite different from what I thought? Love’s now something else than infatuation, first crush, honeymoon. It’s raw and it’s real and if there’s love now in my life then it’s tested and most likely there’s nothing else that could be the rock bottom to stand on.

I’ve felt this strong need to just return to love. To the love that is mine. To dig deep enough to find the rock bottom, you know, forsaking all others, like the wedding wows read. To stop running after things I’m not supposed to run after, to give up looking for loves that don’t belong to me, so to speak - to stop looking for an identity from places where it just can’t be found.

To go back to love.

In the end my identity can only be based on the people who love me. On the fact that I am loved. By the ones that matter. I personally add God here too. The ones who’ve promised to stay.

I wanted to dedicate this project to that; to remembering where we are loved, and to striving to stay in that love. I'm intrigued by the thought that creating a tangible, woven thing I can actually wrap myself in could help me stay rooted in the love; to somehow keep me anchored in it, to serve as a reminder, a symbol of what I want to focus on. It could be any relationship in our lives, it could be a memory of when we’ve felt loved, it could be anything that somehow is related to our knowledge of love. Or, it could be about how we want to love. Like, the other side to this is that I very much wish that I could be a love like that to my children; something they wouldn’t have to ever question. That who ever they become and what ever they do they’d know that my love is theirs, and they could rest in that love.

The trick is that I don’t think I can teach them to be loved if I don’t model it - so, it just feels like it’s about time to give up going back to empty wells and just go drink the real stuff that helps. 

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The mock up pictures don't show the colours exactly right, as the program simply cannot create a good enough effect to imitate how colour looks on yarn. The pic below hopefully however helps to visualise the colour placement. The final result will possibly also be slightly different, as it's hard to predict the way the skeins blend, but something like this is what I'm aiming for. :) I added a touch bit more jade green; as a small element I think it can handle even coral-based wefts. 

More about Saltwater Rose's rose viscose yarn can be found here:http://saltwaterrose.com/product/2x162ne-rose/

The prices start from 200 € / m (excl. VAT), including undyed EC cotton weft. Weft upgrades are possible; if you'd like to know the price per meter for a specific fibre, send me a message. I have several fibres in stock (mulberry silk, tussah silk, silk and nettle, rose viscose, rose and silk, Suvin cotton, Sea Island cotton, merc cotton, some Japanese silk, different wool blends etc), and more can easily be ordered. Dyeing the weft is a flat fee of 50 €.

Let me know if there's anything you'd like to ask. <3

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